No pain = lots of gain, or why I chose an epidural

I didn't really feel any contractions. My waters broke without any and, due to the infection risk, 24 hours later our baby was induced. As I was confined to the bed anyway, which is considered one of the main disadvantages of an epidural, my indecision over whether or not to have one disappeared and I decided to take the drugs. Don't worry - we had our fair share of pain and issues that night and subsequent nights, not least because my placenta refused to budge, but contractions were not one of them. 

I don't buy into the idea of pain as a positive force. I wouldn't have my wisdom tooth extracted without pain relief or my heart bypassed or any other operation without anaesthetic, so why would I for childbirth? But the pain of childbirth, unlike the pain of toothache, is so deeply embedded in our culture (Damn you, Eve) as something that women should go through, somehow I feel as if I cheated a little. 

Isn't that ridiculous? I took a positive decision to make the most of modern medicine, to save my energy for when the baby arrived, to dull the pain that many women describe as making them feel they might die, and I don't think well done me, what a great decision, but I think I cheated. How deep misogyny runs huh, even amongst women, even against ourselves. 

My baby is a genius!

My baby has now been out longer than she was in and I'm not sure which is more mind-blowing, that she went from nothing to a living human being whilst in my womb or all the things she has done in the nine months since being born. 

These include, but are not limited to: learning to use her hands, smiling with her mouth and her eyes, learning the difference between night and day, recognising her mummy and daddy and other key players in her life, wondering about the nature of objects and touching, licking and smelling them to find out more, eating and showing preferences and dislikes, having a sense of rhythm, working out mirrors (something I'm not sure I understand myself yet), making herself laugh with peepo, making us laugh with peepo, allowing herself to be comforted, comforting me with a stroke if she thinks I'm upset, knowing if she is hungry or thirsty, opening things, closing things, getting our attention with noise, being quiet to avoid attention if she is doing something naughty, making choices about what to play with, playing, concentrating (with an intensity that has led my mum to say the baby has the greatest concentration of any person she knows), understanding the word no, ignoring the word no, forgiving us when we mess things up, recognising whatever it is that makes humans human and responding to them differently to animals, turning pages of books, getting to grips with the idea of animal, vegetable or mineral, working out the difference between solid, liquid and gas, being wary of weird people, sharing, possession (ie not sharing), using language, making a plan, enjoying sensations such as the warmth of the sun, getting cross, bouncing and watching the world go by. 

What a clever clever baby I have.